I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
