You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
