I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
