I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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