Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
