Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize