Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
