Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
