so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
