i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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