Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
