the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
