Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
