I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
