i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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