no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.