One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
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Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
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Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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