remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
