This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
