i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
