I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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