did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
