Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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