Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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