The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
