Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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