Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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