he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
