So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
