Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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