we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
