Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
