Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
