If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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