What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
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I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
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He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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