You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize
