Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
