i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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