i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
