dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
