Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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