just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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