I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
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Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
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I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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