i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
