You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
