Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
