pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
How's work?
Spinning.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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