Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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