I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
