Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
