dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
