im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
