i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
