I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
