Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
