he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
