what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
