i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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