That's when you crack a 10am beer
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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