Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
