Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
