i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
