Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
