i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
