Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
