That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
