The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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