dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
