every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
