we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
